In a quiet cemetery in Roermond, Netherlands, a unique and moving monument stands as a powerful testament to love that defied societal and religious boundaries. Known as The Grave with the Hands (Dutch: Graf met de handjes), this 19th-century funerary monument features two gravestones separated by a wall yet connected by carved hands reaching across to clasp each other. It tells the remarkable story of Jacobus van Gorkum and Josephina van Aefferden, a couple whose love transcended the divides of religion, family, and death.
Historical Context of the Cemetery
The monument is located in Begraafplaats Nabij de Kapel in ‘t Zand, colloquially called the Oude Kerkhof (Old Cemetery), in Roermond. Originally serving as a Jewish burial ground in the late 18th century, the cemetery was expanded in 1785 after Emperor Joseph II forbade burials inside churches and city walls.
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In 1858, Dutch architect Pierre Cuypers redesigned the cemetery, dividing it into separate sections for Catholics, Protestants, and Jews. This reflected the 19th-century Dutch policy of pillarisation, where religion and social identity created visible divisions in daily life. These strict boundaries extended even into death, with physical walls separating the graves of those from different faiths.
The Story of Jacobus van Gorkum and Josephina van Aefferden
Jacobus Warnerus Constantinus van Gorkum, a Protestant, was a cavalry colonel in the Dutch army and a commissioner in Limburg. Josephina Carolina Petronella Hubertina van Aefferden, a Catholic noblewoman from the prestigious Van Aefferden family, came from an entirely different background.
Their marriage in 1842 caused a significant stir in Dutch society. Not only did they cross the religious divide—he being Protestant and she being Catholic—but they also defied class expectations. Josephina, as a noble, married a commoner, something considered scandalous at the time. Additionally, their families had opposed each other during the recent Belgian secession war. To avoid further controversy, the couple married quietly in the German town of Pont, near the Dutch border.
Despite living together for nearly 40 years and raising five children, societal norms kept the couple at odds with religious institutions. Upon Jacobus’ death in 1880, he was buried in the Protestant section of the Roermond cemetery, in accordance with his faith. Josephina, however, desired to be buried alongside her husband rather than in her family’s Catholic mausoleum.
The Creation of the Monument
When Josephina passed away in 1888, her final wishes were honored in a touching and creative way. Unable to be buried directly next to her Protestant husband due to the cemetery’s strict rules, her children commissioned a double grave. Two tombstones were erected—one in the Catholic section and one in the Protestant section—separated by the cemetery wall.
What makes the monument extraordinary is the pair of carved hands that reach across the wall to clasp each other. Symbolizing the bond between Josephina and Jacobus, these hands break through the religious and physical barriers that society placed upon them, serving as a timeless representation of their love.
The monument’s intricate neo-Gothic design is attributed to the Roermond-based workshop Atelier Cuypers-Stoltzenberg, likely commissioned in 1888. Pierre Cuypers, the architect who redesigned the cemetery, was well known for his Gothic Revival style, which influenced the monument’s elegant design.
Architectural Description of the Monument
The monument consists of two sandstone columns with gable-shaped tops, standing taller than the dividing wall. At the top of each tombstone is a cross, signifying their shared Christian faith despite their denominational differences. Jacobus’ gravestone bears his family coat of arms, while Josephina’s side displays her noble arms of alliance.
Each tombstone is surrounded by an ornate wrought-iron fence, adding to the monument’s grandeur. The hands—carved delicately and realistically—emerge from the tops of the columns, one male and one female, clasping firmly in a gesture of eternal unity.
The hands symbolize a connection that transcends boundaries—religious, familial, and even the divide of death itself. The monument speaks to themes of love, defiance, and resilience, making it an enduring symbol of hope and reconciliation.
Significance of the Grave
In an era defined by pillarisation, where Protestants and Catholics lived largely separate lives, Jacobus and Josephina’s story challenged societal norms. The grave serves as a poignant reminder of their determination to remain united, even when institutions attempted to keep them apart.
The monument’s powerful symbolism resonates with visitors to this day. It stands as a testament to love’s ability to overcome all obstacles, whether imposed by society or fate. For Josephina and Jacobus, the clasped hands ensure their love endures for eternity.
Cultural Legacy and Recognition
In recognition of its historical and cultural significance, The Grave with the Hands was declared a Rijksmonument (state monument) on May 27, 2002. This designation ensures its preservation as an important piece of Dutch heritage.
The story of Josephina van Aefferden inspired contemporary creators. In 2016, French artist Pénélope Bagieu included her tale in Les Culottées, a celebrated webcomic and book series about extraordinary women. The story was later adapted into an animated series, bringing the moving narrative to audiences worldwide.
Conclusion
The Grave with the Hands is more than just a funerary monument—it is a testament to the enduring power of love and unity. Jacobus van Gorkum and Josephina van Aefferden’s touching story reminds us that even in the face of societal divides, love can prevail. Today, the monument continues to inspire visitors from around the world, symbolizing hope, resilience, and the unbreakable bond between two souls.
